RamNation Forums

2004 Awards and Rankings: Posts of the Year

Fourth-place Post of the Year

Poster: Horn-E
Title: Why, Oh Why, Oh Why are They Here?

Why, oh why,
Oh why are they here?
These Buff fans who come
And stay for the year?

Each month, each week
And almost every day,
They start with a flame
And then jump in the fray.

They bash us and trash us
And call us childish names
But three years in four
We've won the big games.

I really don't get them
And their misguided ways.
They visit our site
And expect all our praise.

What's with these fluffies
Who come and who stay?
Like CSWho and Husker Hater,
They just won't go away.

Now not all of them are evil
I even enjoy one or two
Like BuffsIn03
Who actually went to CU.

And Alpo ain't always stupid
Despite his strange views,
He's got a fetish for sheep
I just hope he likes ewes.

But most Buffs seldom show class
Or display any tact,
And they often exaggerate
With no basis in fact.

They say they get "ones"
While we recruit "twos,"
But we don't need to rely
On drugs, sex and booze.

Rarely, if ever,
Do they make worthwhile posts,
They'd rather just trash on
Their gracious Ram hosts.

And whether eating granola
Or hugging a tree,
They make asinine comments
Dissing every Ram victory.

Whenever we win
It's just a weird fluke or mistake,
But we aren't the ones
Who used Barney's kooky punt-fake!

Yes, how quickly they forget
Some of Gary's favorite tricks,
Blaming his players for losses
And his QBs for picks.

You see, some of you Buffs
Have a wicked odor that stinks
You're so clouded by bias
Of superiority, methinks.

Why do you come here,
Each day and on the hour?
Don't you have better things to do
Like take a hot shower?

So go wash your dreadlocks
And try some Speed Stick,
Go do it right now!
And do it right quick!

You arrogant trustafarians
With your socialist cause,
You want to make the world better
By making more laws.

So go build your utopia
Around your hippied Pearl Street Mall
Create a "People's Republik"
Reserved for elitists like y'all.

Then go back to Netfluffs
Where you can spew all your lies,
While comfortably sipping
Your Starbucks non-fat Tazo Chais.

Or just go back to Boulder
And take your patchouli-stink smell,
Just get off our board!
And then go to hell!

===================================

Third-place Post of the Year

Poster: JoninAZ
Title: Sports Media Should Embrace The PCS

I keep reading articles by sports columnists and other media pundits who defend the BCS system and its architecture. There's this ongoing notion that teams from the MAC, WAC, Mountain West and others don't deserve equal access to the lucrative bowls. The BCS proponents, including many sports journalists, have their canned arguments: Level of talent; coaching, tradition, fan support, market size, etc.

Fine. But let's, for fun, apply the same rules to the media world and create the Pulitzer Championship Series. The PCS. To start, take the six largest newspaper ownership groups (Gannett, Knight-Ridder, etc) and have them collude to guarantee that writers from their member papers get automatic spots in the final rounds of all Pulitzer Prize category judging.

To show "fairness," allow for a couple of scenarios where journalists from independent papers or smaller, less glamorous chains MIGHT be considered in the voting (provided, of course, that pollsters from PCS-member chains help vote them into the final round - something they might do out of charity, as long as is doesn't interrupt their gravy train).

Then each year shower the winning papers and those in their chains with hundreds of millions of dollars which they re-invest into larger newsroom budgets, salaries, hiring better staff, purchasing top of the line resources, etc. With each passing year, this disparity of funding for the "haves" and "have nots" shall grow, but that probably wouldn't affect a paper's ability to produce better quality stories, would it?

Of course this would never happen because the media world would cry bloody murder and the PCS system would last about 5 seconds. The mere notion of denying a paper equal access to the top awards in that industry would be an affront to all in the profession and launch a million column inches of well versed wrath. Likewise, rewarding the six biggest chains with a disproportionate amount of opportunity, recognition, and more importantly - money - would be a slap in the face of media ethics. Even the biggest chains would cry foul in defense of their "smaller" brethren.

So yes, it would never happen in the real world of journalism. But for some reason it's seemingly o.k. to actively or tacitly support the same concept when applied to young athletes in an amateur sport, playing for teams under the same organizational umbrella... the "all about fairness and equality while playing under the same rules" NCAA.

It's time that sports journalists embrace not just freedom of speech and of the press, but actively petition the BCS for a redress of grievances. All Div. 1 football programs should have equal access to compete for bowl spots and every program should share in the Association's revenue.

How is it fair that Boise State, Miami of Ohio, Utah, TCU and other teams have spilt gallons of blood on the field hoping for a tiny scrap from the table while Baylor, with a 1-7 conference record, will make millions this post-season after spilling nothing more than puddles of piss on fields across the Big 12? It isn't fair - and it's wrong.

If you, as journalists, support the BCS, you might as well cheer for the PCS. At the very least, you should update your AP stylebooks to reflect the real definition of BCS: a Biased Consortium of Swindlers.

===================================

Runner-up Post of the Year

Poster: Horn-E
Title: The complete guide to choosing your RN handle

In anticipation of the throngs of new Rams, Buffs and others (some wanted, some definitely unwanted) visiting the Ramnation site to talk some football and throw a little smack in the upcoming 10 days, I have assembled a guide to help these virgin Ramnationers select an appropriate "handle" or "call sign."

Some notably excellent (and available) nicknames for Ram Fans include the following (if a first-time Ramnationer, please feel free to select one from the list below if you are unsure of your creative naming skills and abilities):

Ramzilla (for anyone who considers themselves a monster Ram fan)
TyRAMMasaurus Rex (Thunder Lizard King of the Ram Fans)
Rambidextrous (if you can double fist while watching the Rams)
Ramsonite (if you turn into luggage after 14 or so beers)
CandygRAM for Mongo (BVP4H's excellent contribution)
Ramsolutely
Ramsnationer (this will probably become Sonny Lubick's favorite handle)
Green Eggs & Rams (if you are a Dr. Seuss fan)
I am… I am… I am SuperRam (Sing along w/ me to the song Michael Stipe and R.A.M. made famous)
Ramboni Driver (for past or current employees at EPIC ice arena)
Ramticipation
The Ramtidote (excellent handle if you plan to smack talk with the fluffies)
Ramsistence is Futile
Ramses (for those of Egyptian decent)
Rambitious
Ramplitude
I Demand Ramtribution!
Ramapalooza
Top Ramen
Potential BcS RAMifications?
gRAMpa (appropriate for one of CSU's numerous grandfathers)
gRAMma (again, appropriate for one of CSU's numerous grandmothers)
gRAMmar School Teacher (but fluffies may call you a hypocrite for your misuse of capitalization)
GoRAM Cracker (or just Ram Cracker)
Rammunition
RAMbition
RAM & Stimpy (for fans of the cartoon)
Ram & Coke Please (for lovers of Captain RAMorgan)
Ram Sandwich

If you want to show your hatred of Boulder and UCB to all fellow Ramnationers, consider these options:

The Buff Rebuffer
You can't spell SUCK without CU
HuskerHaterHater
HeHateHuskerHater

However, not everyone wants to refer to themselves as a "Ram" of some type. Therefore, may I suggest selecting a handle that involves a famous, or somewhat comical, movie quote to express your unique persona. If taking this route, make sure to pick from a classic - Animal House, Fletch, Airplane, Austin Powers, Office Space or basically any Clint Eastwood movie are excellent examples. Or just make sure you make us laugh. Some of my personal favorites include:

Dyin' Ain't Much of a Livin', Boy.
"6'5" - 6'9" with the Afro"
Regulators, mount up!
Fetzer Valve
Antifreeze… Preferably Prestone…
No… no make that Quaker State.
Surely you can't be serious!
I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.
Excuse me, is this Delta House?
Double-secret probation
Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?
Are they at least ill-tempered Sea Bass?
Summers in Rangoon…Luge Lessons…
It was a good name until that no-talent ass clown started singing songs and winning RAMmies.
I believe you have my stapler?
TPS Reports
Mmmkay?
I enjoy listening to my radio at a reasonable volume.
Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays!
Never get involved in a land war in Asia.
Inconceivable!
You had me at hello…You had me at hello.
Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes.
I'll make him an offer he can't refuse.

Special Note - Movie Quotes that are probably not such a good idea: Joey, do you like gladiator movies?

If you're a buff, consider becoming a Ram Fan first, but if you unfortunately can't see the light and decide to stay on the Dark Side, try:

Buffoon (appropriate for all of the fluffies)
Rampostor
Trustfundaloe
DaddyPaysMyWay
Fuzzy cow
TaTonka (being a native of Minnetonka, MN, I hate that TaTonka is the Sioux word for "Buffalo")
Proud to be a "fluffer" (We'll fill you in on the real meaning of this one)
The fluffster

If you're a hottie from cu you'll probably want to go with:
tRAMp (because you always wanted to date more than one guy from CSU)

Celebrities Sightings:
With RN growing in popularity we've even had a few celebrity sightings on the board. So don't be surprised if in the near future you spot one of these celebrity handles checking out the RN message board to get updates on their favorite players and to talk a little smack with Buff Fans.

RAMdy Moss
Rambo (I think we can all guess who this is)
Tiffany RAMber Thiessen
RAMela Anderson Lee
Carmen ElektRAM
Ram Master J
Ray RAMano
Sugar RAM Leonard
Joey RAMone or Sugar RAM Robinson (visiting from beyond the grave)
Garo YepRAMmian
Ramdy Gradishar
Rammy Hagar
Rammy Sosa
Ramnold Schwarzenegger
HeHateBuff (this would be former XFL star and current Eagle Rod Smart)
kelsey gRAMmer
Tom "The TroubleShooter" RAMartino

If you want more excellent examples of current Ram handles, here are some of my favorites:

Good Shepherd
Beat Boulder
STATESman
BoulderSucks
SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP
Ihatethecubuffawhores
Rambunctious
Horn Star

Hope that helps. Good luck choosing a handle.

===================================

Post of the Year

Poster: Jeremiah Johnson
Title: A Few Good Men

The movie's closing scene -- a pressure packed Boulder Courtroom, District Attorney Mary Keenan has Coach Gary Barnett on the witness stand and on the ropes…

BARNETT
You want answers?

KEENAN
I think I'm entitled to them.

BARNETT
You want answers?!

KEENAN
I want the truth.

BARNETT
You can't handle the truth!

BARNETT
Lady, we live in a world that has fences with black tarps. And those fences have to be heavily guarded. Who's gonna do it? You Mary Keenan? You, Elizabeth Hoffman? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Lisa Simpson and you curse the Buffs. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: That Simpson's assault, while tragic, probably won games. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, wins games. You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on the sidelines. You need me there. We use words like honor, integrity, loyalty...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline.

I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a woman who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very victories I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide them. I'd prefer you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you stop this interrogation and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to.

KEENAN
Did you order the recruiting parties?

BARNETT
I did the job I was sent to do.

KEENAN
Did you order the recruiting parties?

BARNETT
You're goddamn right I did!!!!!!!!!!!